can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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