I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
