ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
