so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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