Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
