I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
