it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
