my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
