Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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