I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
