I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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