Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cockslap morals
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sorry my hands just texted you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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