SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
