Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
