i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
