ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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