every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your cock deserves a montage
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
