I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
