We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
