i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
