I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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