Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
