Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
