I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
