I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
