I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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