Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
