just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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