Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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