The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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