I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
3 2 1 whiskey
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
