you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Randomize
