It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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