Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
