Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
