I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
