The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
