i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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