don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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