I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i think i just lost a toe
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
