He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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