the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
