there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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