:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
