Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
