I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
