I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
