First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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