Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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