to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
