First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
whose parrot is this?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
