Im at strip club and am horny
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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